hashtagdecisionsorlackthereof

Do you remember growing up and the best question asked in school was: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Throughout elementary school I had jumped from one career dream to the next. I wanted to be a pediatrician, a writer, an interior decorator, a wedding planner. In middle school my ideas of what adulthood might be like and the dreams I wanted to pursue were at a standstill because everything I was good at would, in my eyes and my parents, not materialize into something that would provide for a family or any sort of stability. Any dreams I had wasn’t a future that a first-gen daughter should pursue. Again in high school, I felt like I needed to search for something – anything that I could translate my interests and skills in that would provide for my future. While applying for colleges I found myself declaring Biology because #whynot I was year ahead of my peers in the sciences and I was fascinated by the subject and thought maybe I could really become a pediatrician. I was on the medical school track my semester at Norte Dame de Namur University (NDNU) and at eighteen you don’t really think of how things might change.

While I had an academically successful first semester of college, in the midst of deciding I wanted to be a doctor at NDNU I chickened out and thought I could probably end up as a nurse instead. Honestly, I give my dad credit for scaring me into thinking it would be way too difficult. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed and finished up my degree there. If I would have ended up in the sciences or even as a pediatrician.

All semester long I had been looking for ways to leave the school, I went as far as contacting the local university to see if they would accept a freshman transfer – the answer was no. I ended up applying to transfer out for my second semester but this time I focused on two out of state schools. While I applied to my top choice once more and was accepted this time around, I decided to give Washington State University a try. I read up on the school and found that they had a decent nursing program. To this day I remember how I felt when I booked the flights out to Pullman, WA and paid all the necessary fees.

I was so excited to be able to finally leave the Bay Area.

A day or two after my WSU acceptance email I got another acceptance from the top school I wanted to attend: the University of Scranton in Scranton, Pennsylvania. My dad saw my face when I got my letter and said if I really wanted to go to Scranton it would be ok. In my head I didn’t want to waste my parents’ money. I wasn’t going to ask them to waste money spent on flights and fees for the school I already said I was going to attend. Even though I wanted to go to school on the east coast I felt guilty spending my parents money and decided to decline.

So in the middle of freshman year, in January 2009, I transferred to Washington State University to pursue a degree in nursing in middle of no-where Pullman with no clue of the geographical location of the school or what the hell kind of weather occurred there. After two years in pre-nursing courses I decided that I didn’t have the interest I had when I wanted to become one and changed my major to Sociology. I know right, I just said I changed my major three times.

Even after graduating from college (with a degree in Sociology :]) I found myself trying to figure out what would be the best way to make money with the skills I had acquired over the years. Fast-forward to today and I’m sitting at my desk working that Monday-Friday life and not enjoying it.

xx/jack

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