“I have no idea.”
Growing up I was weird. I was weird but I was me. I’m not weird (imo) now so I don’t feel like me. Do you follow?
I had been so concerned about how I appeared to other people that over time I lost and forgot about me. Just like a coat a five year old leaves behind on an elementary school field. I had forgotten that I enjoyed doodling, writing, listening to 50s/60s music and switching it up with punk rock, hip-hop and rap, I loved my AC/DC, Ramones t-shirts to no end and had my hair up in 60s/70s styles…somehow all of that changed. I lost my identity and now I’m trying to figure out who I am…but then there’s change. Did I change for the better? Apparently not, since I’m questioning myself.
How is that possible you ask – to forget/lose yourself. I’m not sure how it happened but ever so slowly I started to become everyone around me but myself. I couldn’t remember what I enjoyed doing, what made me happy, what brightened my day, where I liked to be. Ever so slowly I somehow replaced myself with some store brand version of Jacqueline.
With the new year, I’m not following the hashtagnewyearnewme wave. It’s all about hashtagnewyearfindingme. I can only learn and become a better version of who I am and the direction I want my life to take. I’m trying to do everything I would never imagine myself doing. Now is the time. I have no attachments, no one to ask permission from, no one here to really balance me and that’s okay. I’m going to do this on my own.
I challenge all of you to try and do absolutely everything you are happy doing.
2018 is dedicated to searching for Jacqueline.