me: as is

Like [nearly – maybe nearly] everyone on this big beautiful round earth I have insecurities.

Breast shape/size, face shape, lash length, janky nails, strong jaw, lanky arms, and height to name a few.

There are just some things you can’t really fix permanently and it’s so much easier (and less stressful) to be accepting of how you look.

My breast size is something I have been bothered by for years and the thought of getting a boob job has definitely flitted around my brain. While all my friends have filled out their top shelf, I am stuck with a a fashion model chest. I don’t feel like the negative stigma around boob jobs is as present as it had been when I was in middle school or high school. There are quite a few people I know (mostly friends of friends/acquaintances) that have gotten the procedure done and they look great. I just wanna look fuller – nothing too drastic.

Now that I’m older, I don’t mind my chest size as much because I’m discovering clothing that better suit my frame. I enjoy the freedom of not having to wear a bra all the time and I don’t have to worry about my boobs slipping out and gracing the general public in risqué clothing. I really shouldn’t have much to complain about. In reality, I am still insecure that I don’t ‘look feminine enough’ underneath the sheets. I worry that I don’t ‘look woman enough’. It’s difficult to be accepting of something that society doesn’t necessarily see as acceptable. But fuck society…right? Right. It’s hard.

My mom always says, ‘when you have kids they’ll come in.’ I guess that’s something to look forward to if I end up having children. We’ll see. If this blog is still in existence if/when I have kids.

The reason for this post is because it’s officially summer. Summer = bikinis and just the overall lack of clothing on people’s bodies. I’m insecure about the overall condition of my body…I’m not as fit as I had been ten years ago and then on top of that my boobs are small. I know, I know, if I’m not totally ok with how I look sans clothes then do something about it. After scheduling my days to the very minute and having that stress me out I decided against planning anything and that also involved not going to the gym. There are a lot of things I need to work on.

Don’t get me wrong, I have dabbled in things that enhanced my over all look – acrylic nails, shellac…eye lash extensions. While I loved getting pampered and looking my best without really trying too hard, the effects were slightly negative. It’s not guaranteed that the the effects will be the same for you. My nails became thin and brittle, and after eight months of lash extensions and having them removed, I can safely say that my lashes were a more stubby – but this could definitely be because it was just at that point of my lash cycle. I’m not a professional so don’t take this small comment and having it be your decision to do something you have been thinking about.

Some days are harder than others to be content with me: as is. I’ve noticed that the older I become, the more I am accepting of my mind and body. It’s slow, but I recognize this as progress. As I’m writing this blog post I am sitting at a cute bakery I recently discovered with my hair in a messy pony tail, a pimple on my chin and my brows filled but with no other make up. I’m slowly working on being okay with my fresh face in the mornings.

xx/jack

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