we plan and god laughs

This year was a big birthday for me – a significant one.

I turned 30. I am three decades old.

It doesn’t feel like I’m…old? I mean it’s not old, not by a long shot. I remember thinking that 30 was old when I was 18 and graduating from high school. The closer I’ve gotten to this age the more I feel like while I’ve accomplished a ton I have so much more to do in this life. Every so often I read my journal entries dating to when I was in my early to mid-20s and wow. So many things I thought would happen by this age haven’t yet happened. I thought I’d be married by 26 (wtf?) and I thought I’d start having kids at 28 (double wtf). I also thought that maybe I’d have my masters degree in something (I took the GRE in 2014), own a house, etc. A shit ton of things I thought would happen…didn’t.

I’m still trying to make sense of everything that’s happened in the last few years. At the end of the day I feel very at peace with where things are at in my life. I’ve pushed out a lot of negative things I felt were holding me back. A sort of cleanse. I’m also feeling like I’ve been making concrete decisions on what and who I want to spend my time with. The idea of mortality has become extremely real in light of recent events. Societal expectations are real. Lola asking when I’m giving her her first great-grandchild is real. (I don’t know Lola! Ask my other cousins!) There has been a lot of change happening in my life. A lot of things I’m taking control of…or at least trying to. I’ve let go of a lot of things that weren’t working for me.

there’s no way of knowing what will happen in the next ten years let alone ten minutes. literally anything can happen.

xx//jack

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